Waiting...Part of the "Great Adventure"

So, why is the waiting part so difficult after we take a step of faith and put ourselves "out there" for something big?

Yeah. Well, I'm both excited and a bit nervous about this waiting and "big changes" thing...it's been a good few weeks now since I submitted my application. There were a few loose ends to tie up (like getting 2 references resubmitted because they got lost somehow through the mail, but I had them send it via e-mail and that was quicker), but all in all, it feels good to have it in God's hands in this way. I've been finishing out my recruitment season with trips to Philadelphia (my parents spent that weekend with me, which was nice because it fell over my 31st birthday - so we celebrated together by having Chinese food (like in the photo) for dinner, instead of me being alone!) and one more to NYC (in December) as I await "THE DECISION" from Student Venture.

Actually, as part of (pretty) standard procedures, last Monday, Nov 23rd, I spoke with Lynn, the Campus Crusade for Christ (CCC) person who's reviewing my application. She had some questions for me about my application and I was glad to speak with her. She kindly clarified a few things that I'd answered as "I'm not exactly sure, but I think it's..." when I filled out the Doctrinal Questionnaire. (That Questionnaire has some tough questions in it - especially since you're not allowed to reference the Bible while you're completing the questions! hehe.) We spoke also a bit about some of the things I'd shared in the "Moral Convictions Questionnaire" and how I admit to still being a work-in-progress in God's hands at this time (as all of us are works-in-progress, eh?).

I also felt like God really gave me the chance to speak with Lynn so I could ask her some questions about her experiences as staff at CCC and SV - because she's worked both in the field as an SV staff worker in 2 cities and now as a staff member at the CCC Headquarters. She's also been working with CCC for 23 years through her single and married years (now married to someone in ministry too, and has 4 kids) - so she had some really helpful and encouraging insights as to how God's called her and brought her through all of these years and seasons of her life. Both for her and her husband over these years, they've seen God do wonderful things and provide in so many ways too. Just having that time to talk with her was really so nice! After the conversation, I can still say with confidence that I feel like the door still remains open and I will continue to walk forward and through that door as the Lord wills - or until he closes that door. (photo = doorway/entryway to SV Headquarters)

A cool thing is that I had been wondering about exactly when the dates are for the upcoming 5 week training, should I be approved to join as staff. Lynn didn't know the details, so she said she'd look into it for me. After we finished the hour long conversation, I saw that completely different CCC staff member had e-mailed me DURING the conversation with Lynn and provided me with all the information about the training session I needed! God does answer prayers even before we pray them =)

Of course, in the grand scheme of things, I understand that anything can happen, and for any various unforeseen reasons, my application could be turned down...so I'm trying to wait on God to give me that final green light that will unlock so many other things that are hinging upon this decision/piece of information: giving my 1 month's notice to my job, landing some part time work, registering for the January 5 week training session in FL, finding someone to sublet my apartment for the Spring semester, raising support and funding for the traning session and to become a full time staff person...and so on, and so forth. =P Needless to say, I can certainly use all the prayer anyone can spare...but at the same time, I know whatever happens, I still give God praise and glory for how he's sustained me and strengthened me throughout these past 5 months (wow! that flew by!) as all this was unfolding.

I still don't know what's going to happen, but I see that each time I tell someone about this and what's unfolding, I keep feeling this sense of "Wow, God, this is what it's like to have an adventure with you, huh?" =) How amazing to be reminded of how God leads us on adventures - like when Abraham left everything to follow God's call on his life into a new land, even when he didn't know where the destination was...or when Joshua followed God's call to enter into the Promised Land...or when the fishermen and tax collectors and other men were called by Jesus to leave everything and follow him - - they left everything to pursue what was greater!! And I want to live out faith like that! I want to pour out my life for God however he dictates and follow him because He's worth it!

I should hear from CCC/Lynn by this Monday, Nov 30th, about the decision on my application. Please pray that God's will be done. =)

Thank you for joining in my journey...till next time, may we always be -

In pursuit of Him,

Kar-Lai

The latest news - & btw: my app is finally out in the universe!

Praise God – it’s done; I finally finished my application! I FedEx’d it last week so the headquarters would get it on Friday the 30th. I spoke to Mike at headquarters and he says it might take around 2-3 weeks for a decision to be made on my application…so now, I wait and pray.

App Stuff: Truly, it was quite a challenge, finishing this 70 page (!) application in the midst of a very busy recruitment and travel season at work. It was admittedly very difficult to find time in between the week long trips I’ve already had (Boston and San Francisco). Those weeks were always packed with high school visits and interviews that took me from 5:30am-8:00pm sometimes. By the time I’d finish with a day of visits and interviews, and managed to get a bite to eat, it would be time to go to sleep. Then, coming back into the office was a whole other type of crazy because so many other staff would be out traveling, we’d have a skeleton crew on tap to do the daily tasks of answering e-mails, phone calls, greeting the public with information sessions and conducting (yes) more interviews of prospective students. One would be lucky to find any time to get home and do some laundry during the week and repack quickly enough to be ready to go out again the following week to another city for more of the same. I’m in Princeton, NJ this week and then I'm off to Philly, PA the third week of November. (Fun fact: I’ll have the interesting privilege of turning 31 in the city of brotherly love…my goodness…how time flies. =P hehe)

Other Fun/Music Stuff: It’s been equally exciting these past few months as my band mates in the worship team I’m on have been practicing constantly in preparation for being the opening act for Lincoln Brewster…which took place this past Sunday, October 25, 2009 at Northside Baptist Church through CNY Crossroads (www.cnycrossroads.com). It was amazing and humbling to be able to play at a venue that was sold out with over 700 people in one place…the largest crowd I’ve ever played in front of! And I so thoroughly enjoyed the experience of being able to work on a handful of songs over a longer period of time and fine-tuning them till pretty solid. Needless to say, I’m quite tired these days and today, I found myself sniffling a bit – so I hope I don’t get sick!!

Aaaand, Back to App Stuff: Anyways – I’m just so glad to have persisted and persevered in the completion of my application to Student Venture. I so greatly appreciated the depth and breadth of the questions that were asked of me in the application. It’s a lot of work, but it’s been such a wonderful thing for me to go through because as I answer their questions about my doctrinal beliefs, background information and family dynamics, my employment and educational history, my ministry experience and more, I’ve learned a lot of things about myself. Truthfully, I’d never really stopped to do a “self-evaluation” of where I’ve come from and who I’ve become in Christ. It was great to be able to take the time to get to know myself better through these guided questionnaires.

“The Past;” a.k.a. Scary stuff: I must confess, though, that the Moral Convictions Questionnaire was a bit scary in some ways because it forced me to really think about how I approach some touchy subjects like boundaries and relationships between guys and girls, past messes and slip-ups, or my own “skeletons in the closet.” Admittedly, there was a part of me that still felt like I wanted to cover up my past and not have to air it out again. However, I knew that the only way to give God glory for healing and bringing me out of a messy past was to acknowledge it, and acknowledge the mercy and grace He’s shown me in spite of my mess. So, I wrote honestly in the application and prayed hard for God to do with it all what He will so as to bring Him the most glory in the end. All I know is that God has a purpose for every little thing that happens in our lives, as he’s promised. So, after completing the questionnaire with much prayer and care, I still thank God for this because it’s been a great way for me to revisit a lot of things God’s taught and shown me as he’s been delivering and fixing me up!

In Closing, (Finally!): At long last, once I looked over the application multiple times over the past few weeks, I came to the point where I no longer felt like I was forgetting something or not clearly answering a particular section/question. Being a bit of a perfectionist sometimes who can get hung up on specifics and details, it was hard to let go and stop tweaking the application and just finish it and get it out. However, I’m feeling at peace about how it all ended up and what I’ve included in there. It’s crazy how much I’ve prayed for God’s direction, longed for something to change, and now that something seems to be happening, I see how scary change can be at the same time as being so refreshing. Does that make sense at all?! It’s like I’ve finally gotten a drink of water and see over the hill to the open door – only to be a bit afraid that it’s not actually gonna happen and worry the door’s gonna close. You know what I mean? Kind of like when I have to fly to a new destination and I can hardly believe I’m going to get to go – and part of me only believes it when I touch down and arrive at that destination. *sigh* Oh, unbelief – be gone from me!

All 7 of my references should be in or on their way, and now that I’ve sent my application to headquarters’ human resources department, all I can do now is wait, pray, and trust in the Lord’s plans. In a way, because one never really knows how things will end up, I feel like I can’t fully celebrate about this open door until I get the approval and even go through the support raising process itself…but that won’t stop me from praising God anyways every step along the way. Regardless of what happens, I know I’ve already learned so much more about myself, about who I am as a Christian, and what a staff position with Campus Crusade/Student Venture and/or missionary job might be like. It’s not so foreign after all or out of the question for me to be considering missions work…which is amazing because I remember, many years ago when I was still a teenager, being resistant to ever considering missions work. But I distinctly remember being literally physically compelled by the Holy Spirit to go get prayed for and anointed with oil when the speaker did an alter call for anyone who might have missions in their future. I thought it was crazy and I’d never do missions work, but still found myself drawn up to the altar. I thought it would mean I’d be going to Africa, or elsewhere and living a modest life doing what? – I wasn’t sure. And now , here we are!

Just Keep Praying, Praying, Praying: I’m trying not to think too far ahead while thinking ahead a bit too – I still have to deal with putting in my resignation in the future, looking into part-time employment during support-raising season, moving from my apartment to my parents’ house again, and the continued process of trusting God in new, challenging, scary and yet exciting ways. But, regardless, God is so great! I can only look forward with anticipation and excitement as He unfolds the next chapter and season in my life. I hope and pray that whatever it entails, I’ll continue to bring Him joy and glory in everything.

Thank you for your encouragement and prayers…I’m so grateful for the chance to keep you in the loop and hear from you about what’s going on in your life too. Please do write me anytime at gahlai@gmail.com. I hope and pray you are well.

Till next time, blessings to you!
Kar-Lai